Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Either I'm losing my mind or.....
Exercise: 60 Push ups, 240 crunches, & 50 leg lifts
the "effing" alarm clock has been smoking some serious crack.
In yesterday's post I had mentioned when the storm we had yesterday woke us up, I discovered that the alarm clock was on even though the switch was set to off. Last night when I went to bed, I checked it again by switching it to the off position. I'll be damned if the thing was actually off and no matter what I did, I couldn't recreate what it had done that morning. Now I know I've been known to do some pretty wacked out things from time to time but I know I couldn't have imagined/dreamed the event - it was just too real. I also confirmed with Ant that I had a conversation with him about it. I've heard of people becoming senile in their old age but now I'm beginning to think this may be true of alarm clocks too. Yep, after fifteen years of devoted service, my alarm clock has finally found more tics than tocs.
And now for something completely different......
There's a guy I work with whose office is about 8 feet away from my cubicle (I will call him Mr. Deli/Bakery Guy because those are the sorts of lines he handles). Usually he keeps his door open and even though I'm not the kind of person to eavesdrop, but I can't help but hear his conversations. Half the time all it's all I can do to keep from cracking up. I swear it's not a conversation if he doesn't say "fuck" or "shit" at least a few times each. LOL Earlier today he was talking about having enough fuckin time to get shit set up for some fuckin show and hoping the fuckin brats show up in time so they can get the shit cooked up for all the fuckin people who are supposed to be there. LOL
Then there is Shorty. He was all over giving me shit again today. Today (like most days) it had to do with what I brought for lunch (curry). He always like to say that it stinks and that I don't eat "real" food because I don't go for things like biscuits and gravy, steak, and whatever else drenched in cream and butter.
I had walked over to the other side of the office to give Mr. Perv (the manager I work most closely with) something and happened to see Shorty putting an Egg McMuffin in the microwave. I couldn't resist the opportunity to ask, "What stinks?" He had some blah blah for a response but I kept on making comments about him stinking up the place and that lead to the following email exchange:
From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 8:53 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: What's that smell???
Man you managed to stink up the whole office with that pig in a biscuit. I think you put J-Lo down!
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From: Shorty
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 8:57 AM
To: The Fashion Diva
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
That smell is the smell of AMERICAN food. You should try it.
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From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 8:59 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
No, it's just the smell of pig fat and grease. Ew and to think you actually consume that. Guess they don't call it McSlicks for nothing.
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From: Shorty
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:04 AM
To: The Fashion Diva
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
That grease sure does smell better than that Indian food......yuck......is that stuff like a laxative???
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From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:09 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
Um no and it also doesn't leave you smelling like the bottom of the bag it came in.
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From: Shorty
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:29 AM
To: The Fashion Diva
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
No it just smells like India..........yuck
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From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:37 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
Better than a rotten McSlicks bag - BARF! That thing is still honking for right of way. I could smell you coming before you even reached the door to this side of the office when you came over here earlier.
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From: Shorty
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:42 AM
To: The Fashion Diva
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
Whatever........your nose is so fried and your taste buds so fried from that foreign food you smell and eat all the time that good food stinks to you. We should have a test and I will take my sandwich and you take yours and see which sandwich your friends over there would prefer. Oh I'm sorry you have no friends......I mean all the other people over there
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From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:46 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
Smokin some crack today? Curry isn't a sandwich and when I do bring a sandwich, it isn't cooked so anyone would be hard pressed to smell it unless he/she stuck his/her nose right down in it.
Yah well at least my friends don't shut their doors to keep me out like yours over there do. :P
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From: Shorty
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 9:50 AM
To: The Fashion Diva
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
Maybe it's because you ain't got no doors!!!
Actually they only do it to keep you all out!!!!!!!
And the smell from the kitchen arounds 12:30 everyday
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From: The Fashion Diva
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2005 10:00 AM
To: Shorty
Subject: RE: What's that smell???
The ones along the wall do have doors and more often than not, they are open so Neeeeaaaaahhhhh
The smell that comes from the kitchen isn't always what I am having for lunch so build a bridge and get over it buddy.
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He started being so obnoxious that I was left with no choice but to start lobbing Milky Way Popables at him every time he walked past my desk. I've also decided that I am going to get a clip from the song That Smell by Lynard Skynard and send it to him for a laugh. I'm sure it will come back to haunt me but hey, it's all in good fun. :)
Otay - time for me to get the flock outta here. Ice cream is calling again :)
Til next time....
Knocked Off By The Fashion Diva
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